I hate when guys ask me “how did you get into my house” the second they wake up

Fake friends believe in rumors. Real friends believe in you.
TheDailyPositive.com (via thedailypozitive)



Thank you for letting me be fully clothed instead of being in a bikini and a cape, looking like a slut

I don’t know what kind of beach your “fully clothed” musty ass goes to take your monthly showers sis but around these parts, most women wear bikinis to beaches [like Bey in this gif] and there is nothing “slutty” about that. I’ll end the lashing here for your sake. I don’t do walk-in appointments.

I go topless to the beach lol

(Source: floetcist)


i have no words


when u make a really good pun